Hidden Jealousy

i think i have an unhealthy obsession with jealousy. in the past it has destroyed relationships... lately i just hide it all away, but that doesn't mean it's not happening. i'm always wondering where she's at, who she's with, why she's looking at some other guy... deep down i know there's no reason to be jealous, but yet i have those feelings anyway. any advice?

Jealousy can be expected in new relationships. Especially if the person experiencing jealousy has been betrayed in past relationships. Jealousy is a tricky feeling. It can keep you on your toes. At the same time, it can ruin or destroy relationships since trust and communication are key elements to a successful healthy relationship.

If this is a new relationship, I wouldn't be too worried. It's normal to feel a little insecure when things are new.

There are many triggers for jealousy. Those of us who get jealous have our own triggers.
Some common triggers for jealousy:
-If your partner seems like they are showing someone else more attention than they do with you.
-If you are unfamiliar with their usual type of environment.
-If you are unfamiliar with their friends and how they interact.
-If you lack trust for your partner and what they do in their time away from you.

The list goes on.

One thing to consider is reflecting on all experiences of jealousy and the causes or triggers. Do you get jealous over a lot of things? Do these feelings of jealousy go away? If so, what causes them to? Do you feel you need more validation or reassurance from your partner? Do you compare past experiences with other partners' actions to your current partner's actions?

There's a reason for almost everything. As far as jealousy is concerned, there is a reason why you are feeling jealous. To fix this it would be beneficial to figure out why you get jealous. Then you will be able to come up with a solution to change things. Is it a matter of territory? Is it "what if?" thoughts? Is it your partner's behavior? Is it general fear/anxiety? Is it a lack of confidence in either yourself or your relationship? Are you concerned that something unfavorable will happen if you're not around?

Hiding or bottling up this emotion is not going to help your situation.

By figuring out what makes you tick, you will be able to better yourself and have a greater understanding of why it occurs. With this, you will be able to change your perspective on relationships, your partner, yourself, amongst other things.

There are steps you can take once you figure out the 'why' which will change the outcome of your experiences.

A pattern of jealousy in relationships may make this a difficult task but not impossible and more importantly, worth the effort to make the change.

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." -->Jennifer James

http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy

Stay positive.

Best wishes.

- LeAnn

The Wanderer

so i have a girl, [text removed for person's privacy] we're complicated. but i know i'm gonna mess around. i know it. so how do i prepare myself for the shit to
come?

You're not blind to your faults. If messing around is your thing, you should consider staying single. It's not fair to the other person or yourself, even when things get complicated, to be unfaithful.

If you feel the desire to stray I would advise either ending the relationship or talking to your partner about this.

I, personally, can not think of a way one could prepare themselves for complications or problems they create for themselves.

If this is a situation you find yourself in frequently, consider seeing a counselor or doing some reflecting on your actions/desires.

Best wishes to you and your girl.

- LeAnn

Friend in love

There's a guy in my life that I love. We're friends. He knows I love him and I think that does more bad than good to our friendship. I'm not out to destroy him or any potential girls in his life. Yet I know he and others see me as a threat or at least something unfavorable in this particular aspect. This has caused some problems and I am afraid it will cause more. What do I do?

-Friend in love

First and foremost, I would like to say that letting him know was a good choice. It may not seem like it right now but it is always good to let people know such a great thing, mutual or not. I know it must be hard dealing with such a powerful feeling towards someone especially when it's not mutual but there are steps you can take to ensure that you keep your good friendship without compromising any "potentials" for both of you. Love is a powerful thing and nothing to be ashamed of. However, in cases like these, a lot of factors come into play and things need to be considered.

I recommend that you make an effort to avoid giving him any special attention. He is special to you, that's obvious. However, he is your friend. At this point, nothing more and nothing less. Keep your emotions in check. There may be times where your feelings for him consume you or overwhelm you. That would be a good time to take some time for yourself or some time away from him. If this is a friendship you cherish, you have to realize that this may make him uncomfortable, especially around other girls. And yes, this may make other girls uncomfortable. It may be a love with no bad intentions but the facts still remain.

Keep in mind he's not the only great guy out there. There are others out there, too. Try to avoid closing yourself off to others.

Love is amazing and powerful. There's nothing wrong with you being in love with your friend. Just make sure you realize that you are just friends (right now) and try to gain a better understanding of what that means.

Best wishes to you and your friend.

- LeAnn

About This Blog and Myself.

This blog was created so that I, LeAnn, can offer advice to those of you out there seeking it. To be more specific, advice on relationships. I'm a college student working on a PhD in Love. Clinical psychology with an assortment of other helpful knowledge I'll pick up along the journey.

You can e-mail your questions to me at: LeAnnsAdvice@gmail.com

All e-mails and names will be kept confidential.
I understand the need for privacy and will retain your privacy.

If you have any questions regarding this blog or about myself, please feel free to e-mail them to me.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.